A Father’s Love
A father is respected because
he gives his children leadership…
appreciated because
he gives his children care…
valued because
he gives his children time…
loved because
he gives his children the one thing
they treasure most – himself.
–Unknown
The other day, the Dadday team was discussing the many different resources that exist to support mothers and fathers in the early stages of parenthood. Sometimes, the support can seem overwhelming; the key is to find a balance. Truth be told, you have your child’s entire life to utilize the resources coming your way, so take time to sort through them and prioritize.
Begin by doing an inventory of where you feel you need help. Ask yourself, where do you feel the most concerned? For most parents, the sheer prospect of caring for another human being is daunting. Reach out to friends and family that have done this once or twice before. They are sure to give you wonderful tips that not only organize you, but also support you. It is easy to have casual conversations about the future with friends that leave you feeling the same. Be strategic and purposeful about your discussions. If necessary, set aside specific times for questions, and come with a list.
With your questions and thoughts in mind, also be sure to talk with your partner’s doctor about ways to prepare. You might be surprised at some of the interesting advice he or she may give based on experience. Your partner’s doctor might open your eyes to some ideas that you had not even considered. It is imperative that you see him or her as a resource, in the same way that your spouse does.
Friends, families, and doctors are certainly great places to start, but you should also consider how powerful it is to have a group of peers support you on this journey. We would define peers as other men who are currently developing as fathers, and are also searching for answers through collaboration. At a Dadday workshop, we offer the space for this very concept. We teach students to adjust to their new lives thoughtfully and effectively. If you are looking for a way to jumpstart the support around you, come check us out this Saturday, September 15 at the Roosevelt Hospital. Also, visit our website, www.dadday.org for more information on what we do.
If I had my child to raise over again:
I’d build self-esteem first and the house later
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I’d do more hugging and less tugging
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I’d model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.
~ Diane Loomans
Last week, we gave you the Top Ten Things to Teach Your Son. This week, we are back with the second installment filled with things to teach your daughter.
Yes, some things overlap, and some things that you teach your son, you should also teach your daughter – and vice versa. It’s important to know your kids’ personalities so you can know what they need to learn and how they need to grow.
As you approach the birth of your child, you might be thinking about important life lessons that he or she should know. How will you impart all there is to know about life throughout the years? It’s good to begin thinking about these things even before your child is born, so that you can be sure to model them throughout life. Today and next week, we will post the top ten things we think you should teach your son or daughter. You might notice some repeating between the two, because many of the things we teach young girls and boys are the same. This week, we’ll start with your son.
Are you a new dad? If so, congratulations! You might have heard it a hundred times, but it’s true—your life will change forever. How you define yourself personally and professionally will change to add the role of “involved, responsible, and committed father.” This role is one of the most important and rewarding jobs you’ll ever have.
Here are some tips to help you be the best “new dad” you can be!
1) Know that it is normal to have fears! You might be asking the question, “Am I ready to be a dad?” Most first-time parents will tell you that they do not feel ready for this new direction in their lives. It is a fear of the unknown. However, just being a dad will take away a great deal of worry. When you dive in and do the job, it won’t seem so difficult, and you’ll discover the joys of this great experience.
2) Get on-the-job-training! Start immediately to be responsible for various aspects of caring for your baby—even if you’ve never done it before. For example, feed your baby with a bottle. Or, you can get up at night and bring your baby to morn to feed. Other tasks you can easily handle are bathing your baby, changing diapers, rocking and soothing, and/or singing to your baby. These activities will not only help out your child’s mother, but they will help you connect physically and emotionally with your child.
3) Ask questions and do research! If you are worried about how to change a diaper or how to hold your child, don’t be afraid to ask! Take advantage of help available through your spouse, friends, family, doctors, nurses, other experienced dads, etc… Oftentimes, these people are more than willing to help. You can also read books on fathering, order NFI’s Daddy Pack TM for New Dads or visit www.fatherhood.org for more information and resources. Chances are, your wife has read a lot in anticipation of the baby’s arrival. She’ll love to see you doing your homework as well!
4) Be a Team! Adjusting to life with a new baby in the house is rewarding. Look at it as an opportunity to grow closer with your spouse and to bond together as a family. The more you work as a team (sharing household chores, complimenting one another, sharing the care of your baby, accepting help from trusted friends and family, scheduling date nights, etc…), the more you will be able to experience the precious little moments with your child. Not to mention, sharing the load might help with getting some extra sleep!
5) Enjoy the moment! Time flies by when you have a child. Be sure to take away every opportunity to cherish time spent with your baby. It is important to spend some time every day (apart from TV, internet, work, outside commitments, etc…) looking into the eyes, and listening to the coos, of your baby. It is in those moments, no matter what life throws at you, you instinctively know that being an involved, responsible, and committed dad is living life to the fullest!
One of the things that our students often discuss at our workshops is their future role within their family. Some of them express concerns around what they bring to the table as a parent. They worry that their role is superfluous next to a mother’s role. Dadday wants you to rest assured: fathers bring unique and valuable perspectives to the parenting domain.
The research to support this is tremendous. One fathering expert, Dr. Kyle Pruett puts it simply: “fathers do not mother.” Dr. Pruett goes on to explain that, “fathers have a distinct style of communication and interaction with children. By eight weeks of age, infants can tell the difference between their mother or father interacting with them.” This exposure to different perspectives is incredibly beneficial to child development.
Fathers also love differently. Think back to your own childhood; your father’s love for you was just as valuable and needed as your mother’s love. Each parent serves to complement the other, providing for their child in unique ways.
The ways that a father impacts his child are numerous. It is important to remember how special your part is in your child’s life. If you are looking for a place to discuss your future role, be sure to stop by one of our Dadday workshops. We pick back up in September. Hope to see you there!
Dadday, as an organization, has a mission to provide new and expecting fathers with a comprehensive instruction kit for the first months. We also prepare fathers with a long view of parenthood and insight into how their role changes over the years as their child grows. With that said, we want to ensure our students have a holistic perspective to their understanding around parenting. Good parenting comes from the bond and partnership between two spouses that support each other. With this in mind, many of our Dadday workshops explore ways to work successfully in a partnership.
Over the years, Dadday has spent a great deal of time creating and writing literature that speaks to this bond between parenting partners. As you prepare for your child’s birth, have you talked with your spouse about your plan to share responsibilities? It might seem tedious to discuss who will get up in the middle of the night months prior to your baby’s arrival. Planning beforehand however, sets a smoother path for the future; we all know this. It also helps to show your partner that you too are prepared, and ready to share in what might seem like an overwhelming responsibility.
If you are looking for the space to discuss and toss around ideas on how you can be the most supportive partner, stop by a Dadday workshop. It isn’t too late to sign up for our July 22 workshop. Simply visit our website, www.dadday.org for more information. The conversation next Sunday is sure to be helpful and dynamic, so we hope to see you there!
The primary focus of a Dadday workshop is to familiarize our students with their new role as fathers. The more comfortable they are with the idea of fatherhood, the better dad they can be. Of the many topics that we cover, our work together revolves around an essential question: what does it mean to be a dad to your child? We have dynamic conversations about parenting styles, responsibilities, and preparation, all the while helping our students to discover an individual path for success. There are tons of ways to become a great parent, and by honing in on the preparation part with our students, we help them achieve it.
One thing we recommend doing before your baby even arrives is spending time with him or her. You are probably doing this already, simply by spending time with your partner every day. But we suggest taking this one step further, by actually carving out specific times of the day to really bond with your baby. It might seem a little awkward at first, to set an alarm for talking to and/or rubbing a belly. Research shows, however, that the interactions are well worth it. A baby’s ear, which is, “already functional by the 16th week of pregnancy, is an incredibly sensual organ.” This gives you an awesome opportunity to talk with your baby, helping to create a relationship before you have officially met.
Gently touching your baby through the womb is also highly beneficial. It is more than likely that the baby will respond to you, especially in the last few months of the pregnancy! As your child grows and develops within the womb, the bond created by interacting physically with one another is both thrilling and exciting. In spending time with your child and partner, the relationship between all of you stands to benefit.
In the months before your baby arrives, things can be hectic and overwhelming. One thing does, however, remain constant. Spending time with your child before birth is a great way to become comfortable with your him or her, as well as build your confidence around your ability to respond to your child’s needs.
We want begin this blog by wishing all our readers a very happy Fourth of July. We took some time back on Father’s Day to reflect on the importance of being a dad, and we think it is only fitting to do the same for this holiday. Our team was recently tossing around memories that we had with our fathers on Fourth of July, and many of them included grilling in the backyard, tossing a football around, and being hoisted onto our father’s shoulders for a better view of the fireworks. No matter the memory, the most important sentiment was the time we spent with our fathers and the impact that it had on us, then and now.
As you set out on this Fourth of July, keep in mind the memories that your children will carry on. Every day is a special day to be a dad, but thoughts of the past are often punctuated by holidays and special occasions. Take that extra moment to show your son or daughter just how the grill works, sharing the ownership in the final and delicious outcome with them. Perhaps you spend a little more time talking with your kids about the importance of this holiday, and what it means for them. And for the little ones, just be sure to capture as many picture perfect moments as you possibly can, to share with them in the future.
Whatever you choose to do today, keep in mind how special your family is, and how important your role is within it. Be sure to share with us the many memories that you make by tweeting a picture to us, @daddayorg, or posting it on our Facebook wall. We love to see what great things dads are doing all around the country.
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